Last Minute Guide to Surviving a Zombie Attack in Chelsea

PUBLISHED Mar 19, 2012

Manhattan, NY / Entertainment / Sports

Here's the situation: Zombie infection has taken over the island of Manhattan. The whole island is under quarantine by the CDC. All bridges and tunnels are closed. It's is the belief of the gov't that this was a terrorist attack and Al Qaeda has taken responsibility for releasing the pathogen that created the zombies. It's estimated that 90% of the inhabitants of Manhattan have been infected. That's about 1.3 million zoms walking the streets. The POTUS is prepared to drop bombs on Manhattan if they are unable to contain the infestation.

Your goal is to get our of the city as fast as possible, travel light and stay protected. This guide will get you from the center of Chelsea to across the Hudson where rescue centers have been set up.

Cover photo via flickr user asterix611.

1. Protect Your Fleshy Bits

Purple Passion/DV8

211 W 20th St Manhattan, NY, 10011

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Deluxe leather hood, with leather gag and blindfold. Vanson Technical Hardcore Mens 5 pocket leather jeans

Find yourself a Vanson Technical Hardcore jacket. This stuff is made out of really tough cowhide. Professional racers wear this to help them walk away from crashes unscathed. While you're there, grab a pair of leather pants, gloves and leather hood.

2. Arm Yourself, Batter Up

Sports Authority Sporting Goods

636 6th Ave Manhattan, NY, 10011

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Go get an aluminum bat. Wood bats may feel heavier but will eventually wear out. They're downstairs to the left. Stay away from weapons that will get itself stuck in the flesh like a hatchet. Aim for the skull, in line with the top the ear. If you miss the temple hopefully you smash the jaw right off, making biting impossible.

3. Squirrel! Create a Distraction

Tekserve

119 W 23rd St Manhattan, NY, 10011

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Go to Tekserve or even CVS. Grab the most basic phones. These things are made out of cheap plastic and will survive a throw.

Grab all the phones you can get your your leather clad mitts on. You will be using these to distract the zoms. If you encounter a swarm of them on the street, turn on the ringer and choose an annoying sound. Throw it to one side of the street to get their attention. It should open up a path in between them.

4. Time to Take a Spin

Zen Bikes

134 W 24th St Manhattan, NY, 10001

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Now that you're protected and armed, you need to move as fast as possible to the Hudson River. Since cars are out, and horses are nowhere to be found, a bike's your best bet and Zen has some of the fastest.

5. Get Ready for the Ride of Your Life

Take off Point

275 7th Ave Manhattan, NY, 10001

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Hydrate yourself if you can, then bike over to 26th street and go all the way to the Hudson River. When you encounter zom swarms on the street, use your phones to open up paths amongst them. If one of them get too close, you'll be playing a little "Mailbox Baseball" but instead of mailboxes it'll be zombie heads.